Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Question : I have been in friendship with my present best friend for four years now.

 She was so good and a very helpful when I had a problem. Everybody deserted me but she stood by my side all through the hard times. Presently, I have gotten a good job and am at the same time studying in the college some distance from her. When I inquired if she desires to pay me a visit or come down to live with me, she didn’t show any interest. I think that I am progressing while she isn’t. What possibly can I do to get her to change her mind and come with me?

Your friend is very good. She probably rendered you help without strings attached. She just has a good heart and not many like her could be found. You must be worried that she refused to move with you. Well, she has her own life to live as well. All you could do is to maintain contact with her. You can either email, phone or write her through snail mail on a regular basis. Let her know how grateful you are for the help she rendered to you and show her that you care. Remember to keep contact with her especially during her birthdays and other special days like Christmas. She may finally decide to join you. If she doesn’t, take it as facts of life and if you meet somewhere in future, it would be nice to share happy memory together. Who knows, your friendship then will become much deeper and sweeter.

You can visit the site below for more help but do not hesitate to write back if you feel the need. http://www.therelationshipgym.com/


Dear Agony Aunt,

I am 13 years of age. I lost my mom not long ago. I feel so much pain due to the loss of my mom. The whole situation is currently making it very difficult for me to get organized and follow my normal daily and life routine. The climax now is that it is beginning to affect my concentration and performance in the school. If you could offer me any assistance, please don’t hesitate. I am in so much need of help and advice. Chuks.


Dear Chuks,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're still stressed over the loss of your mum. It's evident that you loved her a lot and so it's not shocking to hear that you're still finding it difficult to cope. The fact of life is that the nearer you are to somebody, the more difficult losing them can be. There's no painless approach to deal with this type of loss, especially when it has to do with someone you truly and deeply love and more so at this very tender age of yours but bravo for opening up a conversation to share how you feel. I am aware that it is not easy to deal with, is it?

The next thing I would like to say to you is that there's nothing wrong to feel bad and weighed down when we lose someone we love. Also, there's no right or wrong length of time to mourn for our loved ones. You'll possibly at all times feel a bit miserable when you reflect about your dead mum, and that's simply natural, but the deep sadness you're feeling at present will almost certainly fade away gradually and as time goes by, I assure you.  It's essential to let you know now that when it happens that it does not mean you love your mum any less, it just means you've discovered ways to manage with and cope with your loss. So, I expect that some of these proposals will assist you to handle, manage and cope with some of your miserable feelings.

My dear Chuks, you are just very young to handle such stress by yourself alone. I certainly think you ought to find a way to talk to someone about how the death of your mum has left you miserable. It will be a good idea to talk to a close family relation if you have one but if you're concerned about hurting the feelings of other members of the family, you could talk to someone outside of your family. Your teacher, a youth worker, a school counselor, or any other adult you trust and are confident to speak to can be able to walk with you through your difficult times till such a time you will feel better adapted to cope with your loss.
The common thing that happens when we lose someone is that we can’t think that there is no point to go on with life, we get disappointed and find it difficult to find happiness and fulfillment in life as you would normally have without the lost. When you find yourself in a situation like this, it is very helpful and encouraging to speak to experts who deal with helping people with sorrow and anguish. There are many of such organizations but I would give you two which I really think are among the top good ones that assist young people like you with advice. It will be great help for you to contact them.

The two organizations also truly have cooperative, supportive and interactive sections where you can ask questions plus read about how other adolescents have managed with the loss of someone dear to them. To go to these sites, follow the links bellow:

You may also find www.griefnet.org helpful. It is a website designed to offer some help to those who are grieving.

The next important thing you need to know about the loss of your loved ones is that it is helpful to be free to allow your emotion to run freely. Don’t stifle your emotion. If you feel like crying, do cry it out and don’t resist it. It could be dangerous to try to do so. You could also find somebody you confide it for help and support. If you didn’t feel like crying but feels a strong emotion of anger, look for a way to get your anger released. You can do this by engaging yourself in some physical activities. Ability to express your emotions, as they come, helps you to better cope on the long run. This means that instead of letting the emotions to be choked inside of you and cause more harm and injury to your psychological and physical well being, you would have had them released which means a better health for you.

I hope you'll endeavor to put some of these suggestions into practice, Chuks, and I actually look forward to things starting to get a bit easier for you soon. Please do not hesitate to email us again in future if you fancy more advice, help and support. We will be here for you. Our happiness is to see that things are better for you. Your joy and peace is of optimum importance to us. Take heart and take care.


I began seeing a chap and have never felt so bodily and emotionally associated to any person. Conversely, he said he only treasured me as a friend but was beyond doubt in love with his girl friend before me. Because of this he left me and when I got in contact with him a week after, he said that he stumbled upon his ex girl friend that same day he left me and declared his love, but his ex girl friend only wanted to relate with him as a friend. At present, what am I supposed to do? Shall I to agree to have him back in my life? I’m still deeply in love with him.


It is a difficult scenario here. You are in love with someone who doesn’t love you as much. He is in love with somebody who doesn’t want to love him as much. Just be cautious and play safely. His ex- just want to remain friend with him but it may happen that that change later to his favor which would mean that he will drop you off again. It could also happen that on the long run he may fall deeply in love with you, so how can you be sure! The wisest thing is to play safe and cautious to avoid a bigger emotional wound later.


QUESTION : I am 25 years of age and my newly married husband is 50 years.

Both of us are getting married for the second time. His family and friends are envious that he is married to a younger woman and talk about his ex-girlfriends before me, trying to insinuate a fight. My husband says that they are only chitchat, but it upsets me since I love him.


My dear, you’ve got to handle the situation bravely. It is none of their business if you both have decided to get married irrespective of the age gap. What matters is that there is genuine love between you both. Do not give them room to fight. Ignore them and what they do or say. Concentrate on your husband and what you both want for yourself. Pretend not to be affected by what they say and when they notice that you seem no perturbed and moved by their statements, they will quit it. If you have a sympathetic and understanding woman outside the family, it might help to confide in her. Endeavor not to engage into quarrel or argument with your husband as a result of what they say. They will be happy to see that. What more do they want if not to get you both separated!

Question : My boyfriend was diagnosed with depression.

My boyfriend was diagnosed with depression. When we are on our own, he is lovely but in the midst of his friends he usually ignores me. If I grumble, they take his side. He doesn’t seem to notice how offended I get and doesn’t secure our relationship. Some of his friends said that they don’t see our relationship lasting and enduring. I am worried that their remarks could annihilate what we have labored to put together.


Clinical depression puts an unwarranted social shame on those who suffer from it. It looks like your friend is worried about his friends’ disapproval if he displays any emotion, passion or dependency, together with affection for you. Try to talk to him when you both are alone and in a calm tone. Tell him how proud you are of the relationship and how you love to be with him. Also let him know you’d like to show off your intimacy and united pride about the relationship to others especially in the presence of his friends. Try to boost his confidence and let him know that even though he has been diagnosed with depression, it does not mean that he should feel shame or embarrassed about the relationship.

QUESTION : I am almost 20 years of age but my family takes care of me like a baby!


I am almost 20 years of age but my family takes care of me like a baby!

I’m the last born in my family and my parents still pampers and treats me as a baby.  They don’t allow me to take verdicts or communicate my opinions. My sister says they don’t wish to allow me to take decisions or express opinions because they feel old when they do. I had reason to be away from home two years ago, but when my mom got to know that I was going to stay with my boyfriend, she inquired if  I would love to discuss about contraception!


Your sister did not mince or chop up word. She actually hit the nail on the head. Your parents may feel strange about their age and as well hasn’t come to terms with letting you move on to the next stage of your life. They feel somewhat awful about losing their parental control over you. Just try to feel for them and try to treat them with patience. When you are able to do that, it is also a sign that you are matured. One thing you must remember is that you will always be their child. Your attitudes and behaviors will help them to realized and better accept the fact that you are now a grown up and no longer their babysit child. Then; they will have no option than to let you manage your social life independent of them.

Question : My ex boyfriend is unwilling to leave me alone

My ex boyfriend is unwilling to leave me alone. We separated after about a year of relationships because then I began feeling less love for him. I explained to him that I no longer feel attracted to him. After a month of the break of the relationship, he still phones me to ask for the reason. I have some of my properties in his house but I would rather not face the trouble of having them back. What will I do to stop him from harassing me?


Did you tell him why, when you break up with him? If not, I think it is the right time for you to do it. Put it into writings but remember to be polite. Tell him that you appreciate the 1 year that you have spent together but that at this point you are not ready yet for a commitment and that you want to have private time to really think about your life and want you want to do and be. Try not to promise him to be just friends at the moment because things may escalate. Send him your good wishes. Forfeiting those things you have in his house will be a good idea.

QUESTION : I am not happy with my weight

I am 23 years of age. I imagine I am disgustingly thin. It’s extremely hard to hit upon clothes that fit my shape let alone appear nice. I make efforts to eat healthy and sound but because I do shift work, sometimes I find it very tasking to keep to the routine. My doctor says that I am ok and physically fit, but I’m miserable and unhappy.


Oh dear, you are definitely obsessed about weight. I would be more concerned if the doctor says that your weight is unhealthy. What it means is that you may have underlying personal issues that may not be tied down to just weight. Your shift work which you blame for not eating well may probably not be your problem. Try to search your mind to know exactly what bothers you. How is your social life? Is it in any way affected due to your petite size? You definitely need to do a more thorough work. Contacting a psychologist or a counselor might be a good idea.