Thursday, 28 February 2013

QUESTION: I met a guy and we started dating.

I met a guy and we started dating. It was unknown to me that he is already married with two children when we started dating. It was not long he told me but guess how I felt, very distraught, but he said that he and his wife rarely have sexual fun or have any discussion. That was why he looked for love outside. What shall I do at this point?

What you do is up to you. I think that your friend is unfair both to you and his wife. If he is not talking with the wife or having sex with her, the first thing he would have done is sort out what the problem was with her. And if he thinks he could no longer cope, he could go for a divorce and make his relationship with you open. Well on your own part you entered into the relationship without knowing that he is married. Now, you have known, it is best to proceed with caution. It is going to be painful to call it a quit but take care that he don’t in future leave you secretly for another woman just like he did to his wife.

I met a guy last year after splitting from my partner. Incidentally, he too got separated from his partner. I made a vow not to give in to feelings this time again but now poor me I am falling into the snare again. I fall for his sweet smile and great body. I keep struggling with my emotions and saying to myself, “Oh girl we are just friends” Not sure I actually know what I want, Ma, please I need your help!

As a woman you need to think twice before entering into a relationship ‘just for sex’. What this means is that you don’t have a long-standing plans to be together, you don’t go out jointly in public, and that you are giving him room to fall in love with another woman. Your emotions can burn fervently and in fact go wild irrespective of the decision not to let it happen. That’s definitely what is happening to you. There is no harm at this point to make the intention of making the relationship become more long lasting and intimate by asking him out sometimes instead of just sticking to the bedroom if you feel the need. Try some outdoor entertainments together but if he resents to those, you’d better call in a quit; he may be using you just as a sex machine. 

Question: Relation problem,Please Help Me !!!

I came from a very conformist family. My family does not encourage relationship at all even when I am 19 years. For the past two years, I have been away from home. During this period I began having a relationship with a guy. We have been in relationship for one and a half year now. Ever since I began my University Education, my parents have constantly inquired about this my boy friend. Even though I am still in relationship with him, I have denied on many occasions that there is no more any relationship between us because I know what it will result if I tell them. My parents have currently moved closer to my University and my mom has asked me the same question. I made up my mind to stop lying and told her the truth. Then again, she showed a strong disapproval and wouldn’t even allow me to see him. She mentioned to me that if I insist on dating him, that she is backing off and it should be my total problem and concern and not hers. She rather insisted that I should break up with my boy friend for one year to give me chance to really see how things are and where I am. I am confused, what do I do? Please any advice would be highly appreciated.

Subdued Student

Dear Stifled Student,

It all depends on the custom of your area and what is generally accepted in your area. In some places, a girl of 18 is already independent of her parents and is even legally ripe for marriage. If such is what is obtained in your area, then I don’t think you need to succumb to your mother’s instructions to postpone your relationships for a year. But it is understandable if your mother feels a bit awful about losing control over you. If you are living with your boyfriend and are in your own apartment and do not depend on her for food and other things, then it is up to you to decide whether you want to live a matured and independent life or remain a baby.
It might help to remind your mum that you are of age to live independently when next she mentions it.  Do this though with respect. That may make her realize that she is standing in your way to full and mature adulthood plus make her to begin to respect your autonomy.
Hope you find this comforting!

I have a personal problem,Help please!!!

Dear Agony Aunt,

I haven’t shared this kind of thing with anybody before. I don’t even know how to explain myself well but I will try to give all the details that would help you to understand me very well.

I met one man a couple of years ago. We really got into very deep and intimate relationship like what one would normally see in the movies. I factually hadn’t any true love for him but just hated him. I had a feeling that he too hated me but I was wrong, he recently mentioned that he didn’t. Nonetheless, we turned out to be friends recently.  We have indeed become really close friends. I have as well developed very deep feelings for him but in actual fact I really do not want to get that close to him. I don’t want to fall for him. This is because I don’t want a situation where he will fail to return my love back.

My friends are of the opinion that he likes me but I don’t think so. He always talks about a girl he likes. I have been disturbed about it and have so much wished to know and meet the so called girl. Sometimes, I wish the girl he is speaking about is me. At other times, I wish that nothing should happen that will terminate our friendship. I am finding it difficult to really take my stand about him .What I am talking about is that it is very clear that I love him, but I want to let go of those feelings. I want to discover who the girl is and these feelings are driving me mad. I am very much in need of help and assistance.

I will appreciate it very much. Please reply as soon as you can.

Confused Love

Dear Confused love,

I’m sorry that you are facing a great emotional challenge at this time. What you explained is normal. Most relationships that began on a just a mere friendship ground end up with deep feelings and emotions. I think it is best rather than guessing who this girl he likes is, you could find a way to inquire from him who this girl he adores is. It may well be you and he doesn’t yet want to be explicit about that. You may be surprised that he may be referring to you. Though it may be difficult to ask but it puts you in a better position of knowing exactly where you stand with him. I must however congratulate you on your attitude towards him. It shows that you are in control of your feelings. Your attitude: if he likes you, it’s good; if he doesn't, your friendship will remain undamaged is a great one. Not many girls will. So, try to pull out some reply from him about what she's like.  But if his ideal girl is not you, then take heart!  All hope is not lost, you will most likely find a man who will fall for you and who you too will admire greatly for a more intimate relationship.

Good luck!

Saturday, 16 February 2013

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