I came from a very conformist family. My family does not encourage relationship at all even when I am 19 years. For the past two years, I have been away from home. During this period I began having a relationship with a guy. We have been in relationship for one and a half year now. Ever since I began my University Education, my parents have constantly inquired about this my boy friend. Even though I am still in relationship with him, I have denied on many occasions that there is no more any relationship between us because I know what it will result if I tell them. My parents have currently moved closer to my University and my mom has asked me the same question. I made up my mind to stop lying and told her the truth. Then again, she showed a strong disapproval and wouldn’t even allow me to see him. She mentioned to me that if I insist on dating him, that she is backing off and it should be my total problem and concern and not hers. She rather insisted that I should break up with my boy friend for one year to give me chance to really see how things are and where I am. I am confused, what do I do? Please any advice would be highly appreciated.
Subdued Student
Dear Stifled Student,
It all depends on the custom of your area and what is generally accepted in your area. In some places, a girl of 18 is already independent of her parents and is even legally ripe for marriage. If such is what is obtained in your area, then I don’t think you need to succumb to your mother’s instructions to postpone your relationships for a year. But it is understandable if your mother feels a bit awful about losing control over you. If you are living with your boyfriend and are in your own apartment and do not depend on her for food and other things, then it is up to you to decide whether you want to live a matured and independent life or remain a baby.
It might help to remind your mum that you are of age to live independently when next she mentions it. Do this though with respect. That may make her realize that she is standing in your way to full and mature adulthood plus make her to begin to respect your autonomy.
Hope you find this comforting!
Love,
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