Dear Agony Aunt,
I am 13 years of age. I lost my mom not long ago. I feel so much pain due to the loss of my mom. The whole situation is currently making it very difficult for me to get organized and follow my normal daily and life routine. The climax now is that it is beginning to affect my concentration and performance in the school. If you could offer me any assistance, please don’t hesitate. I am in so much need of help and advice. Chuks.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're still stressed over the loss of your mum. It's evident that you loved her a lot and so it's not shocking to hear that you're still finding it difficult to cope. The fact of life is that the nearer you are to somebody, the more difficult losing them can be. There's no painless approach to deal with this type of loss, especially when it has to do with someone you truly and deeply love and more so at this very tender age of yours but bravo for opening up a conversation to share how you feel. I am aware that it is not easy to deal with, is it?
The next thing I would like to say to you is that there's nothing wrong to feel bad and weighed down when we lose someone we love. Also, there's no right or wrong length of time to mourn for our loved ones. You'll possibly at all times feel a bit miserable when you reflect about your dead mum, and that's simply natural, but the deep sadness you're feeling at present will almost certainly fade away gradually and as time goes by, I assure you. It's essential to let you know now that when it happens that it does not mean you love your mum any less, it just means you've discovered ways to manage with and cope with your loss. So, I expect that some of these proposals will assist you to handle, manage and cope with some of your miserable feelings.
My dear Chuks, you are just very young to handle such stress by yourself alone. I certainly think you ought to find a way to talk to someone about how the death of your mum has left you miserable. It will be a good idea to talk to a close family relation if you have one but if you're concerned about hurting the feelings of other members of the family, you could talk to someone outside of your family. Your teacher, a youth worker, a school counselor, or any other adult you trust and are confident to speak to can be able to walk with you through your difficult times till such a time you will feel better adapted to cope with your loss.
The common thing that happens when we lose someone is that we can’t think that there is no point to go on with life, we get disappointed and find it difficult to find happiness and fulfillment in life as you would normally have without the lost. When you find yourself in a situation like this, it is very helpful and encouraging to speak to experts who deal with helping people with sorrow and anguish. There are many of such organizations but I would give you two which I really think are among the top good ones that assist young people like you with advice. It will be great help for you to contact them.
The two organizations also truly have cooperative, supportive and interactive sections where you can ask questions plus read about how other adolescents have managed with the loss of someone dear to them. To go to these sites, follow the links bellow:
The next important thing you need to know about the loss of your loved ones is that it is helpful to be free to allow your emotion to run freely. Don’t stifle your emotion. If you feel like crying, do cry it out and don’t resist it. It could be dangerous to try to do so. You could also find somebody you confide it for help and support. If you didn’t feel like crying but feels a strong emotion of anger, look for a way to get your anger released. You can do this by engaging yourself in some physical activities. Ability to express your emotions, as they come, helps you to better cope on the long run. This means that instead of letting the emotions to be choked inside of you and cause more harm and injury to your psychological and physical well being, you would have had them released which means a better health for you.
I hope you'll endeavor to put some of these suggestions into practice, Chuks, and I actually look forward to things starting to get a bit easier for you soon. Please do not hesitate to email us again in future if you fancy more advice, help and support. We will be here for you. Our happiness is to see that things are better for you. Your joy and peace is of optimum importance to us. Take heart and take care.